Aunt travels to brother and sister-in-law to help with kids, faces pushback when she asks for a break after babysitting for 10 hours straight: 'I went two days without showering'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 5, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

The greatest gift to offer a struggling parent is a helping hand.

No matter how much parents love their kids, there is no denying that being the sole caretaker of multiple young children 24/7 can get draining and overwhelming. Arguably, having somebody else helping with the childcare now and then allows for better parenting, because they can refill their own cup and give more to their kids when it is their turn again. 

It is no wonder, then, that having a responsible family member who is willing to do a few babysitting shifts is a coveted lifesaver for most parents. They get all the benefits of somebody watching their children without the sizeable price tag that is often attached.

At the same time, any mom or dad who is fortunate enough to have a relative who will step up like this needs to be respectful of their time and energy. Even the most dedicated individuals will feel underappreciated and burnt out if they are taken for granted and expected to take the kids at every available opportunity. There is a balance to be struck between feeling the benefit of another trusted person doing the childcare and simply not wanting to parent.

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  • A representation of a woman sitting behind a toddler, playing with wooden toys on the floor
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a woman sitting behind a toddler, playing with wooden toys on the floor

  • A sister travelled across the country when her brother and sister-in-law requested that she help out with her two nephews after they recently had a baby. While she was initially happy to help, the level of support expected of her became an unwelcome surprise. She spent each day from 6:30 AM to 5:00 PM looking after the kids with little involvement from the parents.

    When she announced that she needed a break, she felt judged by her sister-in-law and that she wasn't really being treated as a guest as well as a babysitter. She wasn't sure if she was being too harsh in her judgments.

     

  • Am I wrong for saying I need a break after watching my brother and SIL's kids for 10+ hours?

    My brother and sister-in-law asked me to fly out to help after they had a new baby. They paid for my plane ticket, which I appreciated, and I genuinely wanted to help.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • The problem is there was never any conversation about what "help" actually meant.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • Since I've been here, I've been watching their two boys from around 6:30 a.m. until about 5:00 p.m., sometimes later. They'll tell me they'll be done at a certain time, then that time comes and goes and I'm still the one watching the kids.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • The last couple of nights, my brother has gone outside by himself to grill for a few hours while I'm left inside with both kids. My sister-in-law has also left me alone with them for hours at a time. I came here thinking I'd be helping them. Instead, I feel like I've become the default childcare.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • Earlier this week, I even went two days without showering because I felt like I couldn't step away. Today, after watching the boys since 6:30 that morning, I finally said, "I need a break." I went upstairs for about an hour while they had the kids and were giving them baths.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • As I was coming back downstairs, I overheard my sister-in-law say, "I don't understand what's taking so long." I didn't hear the whole conversation, so maybe she wasn't talking about me, but after everything that's happened this week, it definitely felt like she was.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • The whole trip has left me feeling like I can't just be a guest. Nobody has ever said, "Help yourself" when it comes to food, and I don't even know what's okay to eat. I even asked if we could stop at a store so I could buy my own coffee because they don't have drip coffee in the house.
    via Excitign_Designer611
  • I don't mind helping. That's why I came. But I never agreed to be available all day, every day. To me, there's a huge difference between helping family and becoming unpaid childcare with no clear end to the day. AITA for taking an hour to myself after watching their kids all day?
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • A representation of a woman and a toddler playing with a wooden train set on the floor
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a woman and a toddler playing with a wooden train set on the floor

  • Aussiealterego NTA but you guys need to have an actual conversation about expectations. Use your words.
    via Aussiealterego
  • Niccy26 NTA. You know that you aren't. Your brother is taking the mick
    via Niccy26
  • anglflw What on the world is he grilling for a few hours? Did he forget he had children to parent? ΝΤΑ
    via anglflw
  • befitzpa Controversial, but I'm going to say no here. They asked you to come and help, paid for your flight, I would also assume you were there to be minding kids the whole time, not for an hour here or there, why would you fly out to
    via befitzpa
  • do just a little bit? I think you could be more assertive and say "I'm going for a run/walk/l gotta do some work, I'm doing whatever" - but if they are in the new born trenches they are probably not thinking about you and probably expect you to be an adult and take what you need. No
    via befitzpa
  • one said help yourself probably because they expect you to help yourself. You don't even know if she was talking about you, so it seems you've gotten yourself annoyed without verbalising your needs and at all and assuming your SIL is mad at you.
    via befitzpa
  • You said you can't be a guest, no you're not there as a guest, you're there as family.
    via befitzpa
  • Prestigious_Elk353 What is your brother doing all that time? NTA for taking a break but an a hole to yourself for not having a grown up conversation about this. And establishing something around food. Advocate for yourself and work this out.
    via Prestigious_Elk353
  • FormNo8111 NTA, have a look at how much nannies are paid, and it's well earned money. Children are exhausting and the way you're being treated is 100% unfair because, well, you agreed to help but it's one thing to help here and there and a whole other thing to be doing unpaid work
    via FormNo8111
  • lizbcrete Always ask what 'help' entails and proceed from there.
    via lizbcrete

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family drama parenting babysitting new baby
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